glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
