Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
