he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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