I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
