recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
