it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
