he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
