i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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