Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
