I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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