We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
