when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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