getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
