you guys were way drunker than both of me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
