he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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