glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
