was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
