I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
