I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
