Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
