I heard we made out
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
