I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
