I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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