ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
