you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
