had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
