Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
