Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think i just lost a toe
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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