If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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