is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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