I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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