he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
