I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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