Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
