I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
