how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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