I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
