There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He better not be in your backpack
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
