I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can I color on your dick again?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Enjoy the penises
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
