we're making bets on your personal life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
