btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
