I feel great
I just peed on a car
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
