true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
