Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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