i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
