I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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