Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
