Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
