I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
