What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
