Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
