Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
