My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
